IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some infomation is too important or too valueable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A highly controversial issue today relates to whether it is beneficial to share
information
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 in scientific
research
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, business and academia,
while
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 others argue that important
data
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 should not be published freely.In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine
this
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 question from both points of view and
then
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 explain why I believe the latter. There are people who argue that the benefits of
information
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 and
research
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 considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing
this
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 is that it promotes the
overall
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 development of the world. It is
also
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 possible to say that in the medical sector sharing
information
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 and new
research
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 is very crucial in diagnosing new diseases and finding cures. One good illustration of
this
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 is the COVID-19 pandemic, if the developed countries did not share their
research
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 regarding the vaccines to combat COVID, the loss of lives would be much greater in developing countries and the the world would still be suffering from the shocks of COVID-19.
On the other hand
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, others believe that important
information
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such
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 as
data
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 related to security and politics should not be freely available to everyone.It is often argued that it can possibly create a moment of unrest and political chaos in society. A second point is that valuable
data
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 can be used by one country to threaten the sovereignty of another.A particularly good example here is
information
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 and
data
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 related to nuclear assets and databases. The enemy would take that
information
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 to their advantage if the
information
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 regarding the nuclear assets was available freely. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
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, I feel that
information
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 sharing should be monitored.
This
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 is because ,in the age of AI,misinformation spreads very quickly and can lead to destruction. The protection of
information
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 is a necessary step towards the development of society.

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task achievement
Make sure to directly respond to the question in your introduction by clearly stating your stance. This will guide your readers on what to expect.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. For example, use 'firstly', 'in addition', or 'however' to make your points clearer.
task achievement
To improve your main points, add more detail or examples to support your claims. For instance, expand on how sharing information can benefit research methods in less developed countries.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You provided clear examples, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, which support your points effectively.
task achievement
Your argument is balanced, showing both sides of the debate, which is important in a discussion essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • innovation
  • collective knowledge
  • security risk
  • proprietary information
  • competitive advantage
  • democratization
  • sensitive technology
  • ethical guidelines
  • nondisclosure agreements
  • peer-review processes
  • validated
  • open access
  • regulated access
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