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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In modern society, life has changed a great deal, especially in the city.
This
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 includes how the
park
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 is changed. Some
people
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 believe that vegetable is common.
However
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, others believe that local is difficult.
Thus
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, both views have significant points.
This
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 assay will provide key information to explore the topic.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in terms of the advantages,
according to
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 the primary view,
according to
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 the given information, there are many significant advantages.
First,
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according to
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 the Kuwait Green Report, 90% of
people
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 prefer the fruit
park
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 many positive reasons.
Second,
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the environment is one of the positive reasons. In another word, the weather becomes fresh.
As a result
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, the condition becomes healthy.
In addition
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, the production is a major benefit.
As a result
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, the outcome and the income will increase significantly.
Although
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 the local
people
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 chose the open garden, the right points are limited.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, in terms of the disadvantages,
according to
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 the secondary view,
according to
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 the given data, there are many dramatic disadvantages.
Firstly
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,
according to
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 the Kuwait
Park
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 Data, 98% of young
people
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 prefer the local
park
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 many negative reasons.
Secondly
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, the high cost is another dramatic reason.
For example
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, the crop.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in terms of the advantages and disadvantages,
according to
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 the given data, there are many significant benefits.
However
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, there are major harmful points.
Thus
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, both have significant marks.
Hence
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, the government recommends
people
Use synonyms
 follow the right tips for positive results and best life.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say if the good points are more important than the bad points. Keep this same view in the end.
task response
Explain the main good points more fully. For example, growing food can give people fresh food, save some money, and help people meet each other.
task response
Explain the bad points with clear detail. For example, less open space may mean less room for children, sport, walks, and rest.
task response
Do not use reports or numbers unless you can clearly link them to your point. The Kuwait examples feel made up and do not help the answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. Put one main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence clear. Some sentences do not show the meaning, such as “vegetable is common” and “local is difficult.” Say exactly what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat long phrases such as “according to the given information.” Use simple links like “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “For this reason.”
coherence and cohesion
Add clear links between cause and result. For example: “People can grow food near home. As a result, they may buy less food from shops.”
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of changing parks into food gardens.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and an ending, so the reader can see the basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “On the one hand,” “In addition,” and “However.”
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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