Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

Children's
love
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language nowadays has changed, from feeling loved by being looked after or taken
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
care of, to buying unnecessary stuff and an incomprehensible number of toys just to catch up with trends or modern games.
This
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essay will explore the cause of
this
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phenomenon,
as well as
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how to deal with it. starting off with root causes, some
childen
Correct your spelling
children
may think
love
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is associated with material,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of children usually lack emotional attention
fom
Correct your spelling
from
their
parents
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,
could
Correct pronoun usage
which could
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be for many reasons,
such
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as having both
parents
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working.
Therefore
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, as an attempt from their
parents
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to fill
this
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gap, some would buy their
childen
Correct your spelling
children
a lot of toys as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
compensation.
Hence
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, the child may grow a belief that
love
Use synonyms
is not achieved without material.
This
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can help the child overcome the emotional deprivation, helping them to live a decent childhood as much as they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, it can lead to developing wrong beliefs about
love
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that will grow with them till they become adults, where it will be harder to deal with, given that it was a part of their childhood.
However
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,
this
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issue can be solved fortunately in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
stages.
For instance
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,
parents
Use synonyms
can reach an agreement where one parent works
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
morning
Correct article usage
the morning
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,
while
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the other works at night.
As a result
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, the child is not going to be left alone without parental attention, the thing they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction sets the scene but could better explain the advantages and disadvantages in a clearer way. Try to explicitly state both sides in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has basic ideas but can benefit from more connections between thoughts. Use linking words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'as a result' to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements about love and toys, give concrete instances or situations.
task achievement
You present the problem of materialism in childhood well. Your essay discusses both sides, which is good for a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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