IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Part 2 In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or mall to do their shopping. is it a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, many people enjoy shopping, and they love to discover new
shops
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 every time they go out. So, customers travel to large
malls
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 to do their shopping.
As a result
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 of that, many small local
shops
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 closed because no
one
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 visits them anymore. From my perspective, shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are both positive and negative development. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my reasons.
To begin
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 with, large
malls
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 have become a significant improvement.
Due to
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 the huge size of the shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, there are enormous
shops
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 inside them. They offer many job opportunities for residents, which helps reduce the rate of unemployment.
Moreover
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, having everything in
one
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 place is very comfortable for the customers.
For example
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, if they are a family and each
one
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 of them wants to buy something different like clothes, skincare or even books, they don’t have to go to different places. That’s why many people prefer shopping in big
malls
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, it saves time and effort.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 kind of development could have a negative impact on local
shops
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 and small businesses. Big
malls
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 don’t give them a chance to survive
due to
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 their costly prices.
Although
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 local
shops
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 are cheaper and have
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 materials, many individuals still prefer
malls
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 because of the environment and the vibe they have.
Consequently
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, many small local
shops
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 closed, which might increase the poverty of people.
To sum up
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, the improvement of shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 both negative and positive sides. It depends if you are the
one
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 who
buy
Change the verb form
buys
show examples
 or
sell
Correct subject-verb agreement
sells
show examples
. In my opinion, the advantages overweight the drawbacks when it comes to me as a customer.

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coherence
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but you could improve the flow between ideas. Try using linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'finally' to guide the reader better.
task achievement
You provide some good examples, but including more specific details or statistics about the impact of malls on local shops would strengthen your argument.
content
You present a balanced view of the issue, recognizing both positive and negative aspects of large shopping centers. This shows good critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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