IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The advent of technology and transportation has profoundly reshaped the way we
work
Use synonyms
 and live in today's
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
advancements
Change the determiner
advancement
show examples
 offers some advantages, it
also
Linking Words
 brings challenges that are much more prominent and cannot be ignored.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
be explore
Change the verb form
explore
show examples
 both perspectives, ultimately arguing that the drawbacks far outweigh the advantages. No doubt the supporters of
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of communication technology and transportation would argue that the major advantage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 freedom to
work
Use synonyms
 and live gives you is
flexibility
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, you can travel
while
Linking Words
 you are working which nowadays people refer to as workation.
For example
Linking Words
: In the
day
Correct your spelling
daytime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, people do their
work
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
, in
evening
Add an article
the evening
show examples
 they explore the place they visit.
This
Linking Words
 shows that it can be
benficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 but comes with terms and conditions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics argue that no doubt there is
flexibility
Use synonyms
 but that
flexibility
Use synonyms
 can be
bane
Add an article
a bane
the bane
show examples
 in terms of
time
Use synonyms
 and diversion.
Firstly
Linking Words
 you are diverted, neither you are focusing on vacation, nor you are working completely.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 working online, there is no fixed amount of hours you put into
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
 which indirectly becomes a shortcoming. In
such
Linking Words
 cases, you have less
time
Use synonyms
 for yourself
,
Correct word choice
and, family
show examples
family
Correct pronoun usage
your family
show examples
 leading to mental and emotional issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey was conducted which showed people voted to
work
Use synonyms
 from office rather than
work
Use synonyms
 from home. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 advancements in both communication technology and transportation
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 introduced benefits
such
Linking Words
 as
flexibility
Use synonyms
 is
undeliable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
unreliable
. But issues
such
Linking Words
 as less
time
Use synonyms
 and diversions are bigger problems leading to emotional deterioration.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some hybrid
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
 can be followed
such
Linking Words
 as
hybrid
Correct article usage
a hybrid
show examples
 working model where on office days you can focus on
work
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 you can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on yourself or with family.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion so the reader knows your position.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (like 'however' or 'moreover') to connect ideas better between paragraphs and sentences.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples in the body paragraphs to support your arguments and make your points clearer.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication technology
  • transportation
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • freedom
  • work and live
  • development
  • increased job opportunities
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cultural exposure
  • diversity
  • economic growth
  • globalization
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • loss of community
  • sense of belonging
  • expensive cost of living
  • housing
  • strain on infrastructure
  • resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: