IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people’s choice of future jobs is based on salary. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

Now people are beginning to realize that , every single
job
Use synonyms
 should have
an
Change the word
its
show examples
 own price. And
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation began choosing jobs depending on the
salary
Use synonyms
. I guess, it’s true
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money is vital in our modern life.
In addition
Linking Words
, I will try to explain
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and awful sides
choosing
Change preposition
of choosing
show examples
 jobs just for the money. So one of the main reasons behind
that is
Linking Words
 , you will have
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
 future. Perhaps in my country no significant number of rich families I knew a few teenagers who wanted
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 to help their families because they didn’t have enough money.As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result ,
they’ve
Unnecessary verb
they
show examples
 worked and got good
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. It seems to me that a lot of people just don’t
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 see how their kids
struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation wants to see how their parents
proud
Add a missing verb
are proud
show examples
 of them.
This
Linking Words
 feels when you have done almost everything to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 you hear from your
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 words like ,we
proud
Add a missing verb
are proud
show examples
 of you.Not only that, I want to do everything to get
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 with an amazing
salary
Use synonyms
 and say to
daddy
Capitalize word
Daddy
show examples
, buy everything you want, I am rich
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can be argued that there is not
so
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 good as we imagined. Yes maybe you could get
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 career ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it could be things that you wouldn’t want
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
 every day. If you choose
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 just looking
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
, it won’t give you
Correct article usage
the pleasures
show examples
pleasures
Fix the agreement mistake
pleasure
show examples
 which you
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
. You will feel like , you are in prison In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that , a
salary
Use synonyms
 is great but if you want to earn good , choose a
job
Use synonyms
 ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
looking
Wrong verb form
looks
show examples
 at your skills and interests

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coherence
Make sure to clearly outline your main points at the beginning. Structure your paragraphs around each point.
task achievement
You express personal feelings about job choices, which adds a personal touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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