IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries in the world, some poeple earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this good for a country. Others think that the government should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Recently, many
people
Use synonyms
argue
Wrong verb form
have argued
show examples
 that talented
people
Use synonyms
 must earn
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 than other
individuals
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that it could lead to inequality among
people
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue that
people
Use synonyms
 should get
incentive
Fix the agreement mistake
incentives
show examples
 as much as their quality of work.
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
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high
Replace the word
highly
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 competitive world, many
people
Use synonyms
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to get significantly high
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 and desire to be valuable
talent
Use synonyms
. In terms of executives, they tend to obtain
many
Correct quantifier usage
more
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 benefits than others, and the
salary
Use synonyms
 gaps between normal
individuals
Use synonyms
 are
become
Verb problem
apply
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more than double.
However
Linking Words
, getting
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 income might motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve ambitious goals, and it can attract talented
individuals
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, which benefits everyone in the
country
Use synonyms
. In order to develop
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country
Add an article
the country
a country
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, a certain level of
talent
Use synonyms
 must
needed
Change the verb form
be needed
need
show examples
,
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
 they bring significant benefits to nations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some critics argue that it must be limited
due to
Linking Words
 high
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 causing financial inequality.
While
Linking Words
 some talented
people
Use synonyms
 obtain advantages from financial
rewarding
Replace the word
rewards
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, it is
fact
Add an article
the fact
a fact
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 that there are many
individuals
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 who struggle with economic issues. Increasing
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 gap among
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes leads to severe social problems
such
Linking Words
 as
strike
Fix the agreement mistake
strikes
show examples
, migration, and civil unrest. Some
country
Use synonyms
 which has high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of economic gaps often face civil issues. In order to
refuse
Verb problem
solve
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 the problems among citizens,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should drive with low for limiting high salaries and invest public sector
instead
Linking Words
. In conclusion, giving strong financial
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to work hard, and
attracting
Wrong verb form
attract
show examples
talent
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 government should think about other average
people
Use synonyms
 to keep
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 safe. Encouraging
Use synonyms
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
people
Use synonyms
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
 nations with
advancement
Add an article
the advancement
show examples
 of technology, archiving great research and development.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and relates directly to the topic.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Clarify your opinion more strongly in the introduction and conclusion.
content
You have made some good points about the benefits of high salaries and talent attraction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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