IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of
crime
Use synonyms
 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some
individuals
Use synonyms
 maintain that
prison
Use synonyms
 is the best solution to
crime
Use synonyms
, I contend that criminals should have more
education
Use synonyms
 than in
prison
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is imperative to recognize that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should appreciate the substantial benefits of imprisonment activity. A pivotal point to consider is that they can public safety.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 emphasizes that
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can prisons contribute to maintaining social order and upholding the rule of law.
For example
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 one can observe that it helps remove dangerous
individuals
Use synonyms
 from society, thereby reducing
crime
Use synonyms
 rates and protecting citizens.
Moreover
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, an additional crucial aspect to highlight is who can come back to rehabilitation.
This
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 stems from the understanding that it supports many
education
Use synonyms
 systems that offer programs aimed at rehabilitating offenders. These can include educational classes, vocational training, and therapeutic programs designed to assist inmates in reintegrating into society after their release.
On the other hand
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, it is imperative to consider the counterarguments that benefit
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 activity. A pivotal factor to examine is that
individuals
Use synonyms
 can foster critical thinking.
This
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 illustrates that they can have
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
knowledge about analyzing different situations and
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 informed decisions. To exemplify
this
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 perspective, one might reference that it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 prepare
of
Change preposition
for
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 future employment and anything for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
Additionally
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, it is pertinent to note that they can contribute to society positively.
This
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 is substantiated by the fact that it helps
individuals
Use synonyms
 promote personal,
professional
Correct word choice
and professional
show examples
 development and anything for the community. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on the topic
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
highlights
education
Use synonyms
 and
prison
Use synonyms
. Ultimately,
it is clear that
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 for
crime
Use synonyms
, More
Use synonyms
prison
Fix the agreement mistake
prisons
show examples
 will always than
education
Use synonyms
.
This
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 examination prompts
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can be seen from several perspectives including societal, individual and legal aspects.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main argument. This helps the reader understand your view from the start.
coherence
Use clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help your essay flow better and be easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention a program that has helped reduce crime through education.
coherence
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the main points clearly and reinforces your opinion. This helps to finish your essay strongly.
task achievement
You present a clear viewpoint and make a good effort to compare education and prison.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, which shows good critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
What to do next:
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