IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people saay that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so commin that we no linger pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
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 world, the demand for marketing and advertisements
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 surged,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 when it comes to small, new and upcoming businesses.
Linking Words
While there
Correct word choice
There
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 has been a debate on whether they have persuaded us to purchase the products or have just become an unvaried option. I am though inclined to stand with the opinion that it is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most powerful tools in the industry. On
one
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 hand, critics argue that ads have lost their charm as becoming monotonous and lacking originality in ideas.
For instance
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, if the same ad is shown for years, it becomes boring and
hence
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 people lose interest.
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Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
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 if they are not relatable to people it remains a common option for them.
On the other hand
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, If advertising is used smartly it can turn into a boon for the company and people. It depends on how creative, original and relatable it is to your users.
For example
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, I have seen how
zomato
Change the capitalization
Zomato
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 attracts its customers, by creating funny
slangs
Fix the agreement mistake
slang
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 on their everyday problems.
Additionally
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, if they change their content on timely
basics
Correct your spelling
basis
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 as soon as some occasion appears to them
such
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 as, on
valentine's
Capitalize word
Valentine's
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 day they created two different modes
one
Use synonyms
 for
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the couple
a couple
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couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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, second for singles which skyrocketed their sales in that month.
This
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 shows the amount of impact advertising has on consumers. In conclusion, it is totally agreed that advertisements are losing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 importance day by day
due to
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dullness. But in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 if delivered properly by targeting the needs of both individuals
as well as
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 society and making it much more innovative, it can be
one
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 of the most poignant tools for
market
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the market
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.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating both views and your opinion. Ensure that your overview sets the stage for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph that reflect the main idea more directly.
coherence cohesion
Add some transition words like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect your ideas better across paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from a well-known company (Zomato) which helps to support your arguments well.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and show your understanding of the topic, which is good for task achievement.
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