IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some peole think that parents should read or tell stories to their children. Others think parents needn't do that as children can read books, watch TV or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

A number of members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are of the opinion that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 parents should read or tell
stories
Use synonyms
 to their sons and daughters, whilst some
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that, it is not necessary to do it because young
people
Use synonyms
 can do it on their own. In my opinion, parents should inhabit of reading or telling
stories
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
 and elaborate my answer to
this
Linking Words
 question. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
people
Use synonyms
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that they should practice the activity of reading and sharing
stories
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.
Due
Linking Words
to
Correct pronoun usage
to this
show examples
, it helps with the brain development of a
child
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it opens up or
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
 their imagination. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, a parent is talking about a story of
a an
Choose an article
an
show examples
 apple falling from a tree and the cause of it is gravity.
Consequently
Linking Words
, a
child
Use synonyms
 will get an idea about gravity and
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 picture it in his/her head.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
member's
Change noun form
members
show examples
 of the society
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 the latter. Because of the belief that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should learn things out for themselves. To
further
Linking Words
 discuss, they believe that
this
Linking Words
 will help the
child
Use synonyms
 create an ability to solve their own problems as they grow old.
For example
Linking Words
, a
child
Use synonyms
 is reading a book about
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
. He/She comes to a stop when he/she encounters an unfamiliar idiom, to solve
this
Linking Words
, the
child
Use synonyms
research
Change the verb form
researches
show examples
 the meaning of the idiom on the internet. To sum it all up, certain
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own opinion about their
children
Use synonyms
 reading or telling
stories
Use synonyms
.
Other's
Change noun form
Others
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that, it is a chance that will help
children
Use synonyms
 their growth progress and a way of opening
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 imagination,
however
Linking Words
, there are other
people
Use synonyms
 that
opposes
Change the verb form
oppose
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
.
Due to
Linking Words
the
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 reasons, where letting
children
Use synonyms
 explore
stories
Use synonyms
 on their own helps them create
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 abilities. In my perspective, parents should do the first
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 because it helps guide
children
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 right path,
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 mental capacity, and
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 imagination.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state the main points you will discuss. Make sure your opinion is clearly presented too.
coherence and cohesion
Try to arrange your ideas in a clearer order. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples that directly support your points for better clarity. This will help strengthen your arguments.
content
You presented both sides of the argument well.
content
Your conclusion summarizes your points clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: