IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing houswork in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing houswork in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graphs depict information about changes in ownership of electrical gadgets and how much
time
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was spent doing chores
homes
Change preposition
at homes
show examples
 in one country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportions of households that used refrigerators and vacuum cleaners increased gradually over the given
period
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 washing
machine's
Change noun form
machine
show examples
 usage fluctuated during the
time
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of hours spent on housework each week declined steadily.
According to
Linking Words
 the first line graph, refrigerators' use of electricity in 1920 was 0% until it rose gradually to 100% in 2019.
Although
Linking Words
 vacuum cleaners utilized 30% of electricity
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
initially
Linking Words
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 usage percentage climbed sharply to 100% in 2019 which was similar to that of refrigerators.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, washing machines used 40% of electricity in 192, its usage
then
Linking Words
 increased a little by 30% in 1960, before fluctuating to about 75%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Regarding the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 used to perform household work per week, a noticeable decline was observed from 50 hours in 1920 to 10 hours
at the end
Linking Words
 of the 99-year
period
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: