IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The amount of sport, shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sport events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages?

It is irrefutable that
sports
Use synonyms
 play an important role in our lives. The amount of games, telecasted on
television
Use synonyms
 has grown rapidly and resulted
negative
Change preposition
in negative
show examples
 on offline
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 events. I am
harmony
Change preposition
in harmony
show examples
 with the notion, as we shall discuss with my viewpoint
at the end
Linking Words
. To Commence with, there are uncounted merits of watching
television
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy it by sitting in their homes comfortably, and
thus
Linking Words
 saving their precious
time
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 fares to go
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 specific live
sport place
Fix the agreement mistake
sports places
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, my brother is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 fan of cricket sport but he is
full-
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 employed, so he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have
time
Use synonyms
 to watch cricket offline, and he
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to enjoy it in his room
while
Linking Words
 relaxing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Security issues are the main reason for its popularity among individuals, as it is very common to see that
people
Use synonyms
cheers
Correct subject-verb agreement
cheer
show examples
for their loving teams and, if they watch that
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 opponents are going to win, and sometimes
due to
Linking Words
 ego, they try to harm their opposite
time
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, by hitting on their faces or throwing eating products.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 like to watch games on
television
Use synonyms
. On the other side, no doubt that watching live
sports
Use synonyms
 always
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 more pleasure and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of
satisfication
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
, because
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to go in groups which leads to social interaction and
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 by diverting their attention from daily routines.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, it is normal to see that always
financialy
Correct your spelling
financially
 stable
people
Use synonyms
 choose live
sports
Use synonyms
. In my
opionion
Correct your spelling
opinion
,
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of watching
sports
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweigh
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 disadvantages of live
sports
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sometimes it depends on individuals
interset
Correct your spelling
interest
show examples
 and desire in which way they entertain themselves more.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to help your points flow better.
task achievement
Expand your conclusion to summarize your main points and restate your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of the topic and present personal examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: