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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employees should be allowed to enjoy longer holidays to remain motivated and attached to their employer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

It is often argued that employees should be granted extended holidays as a way to boost their motivation and productivity.
While
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 taking
breaks
Use synonyms
 is certainly important for maintaining mental and physical health, I disagree with the idea of offering overly long vacations, as
this
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 may negatively affect both individual performance and the
overall
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 efficiency of businesses.
To begin
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 with, excessive time off can lead to a decline in employees’ work discipline and engagement. When individuals are away from the professional environment for an extended period, they may find it difficult to return to their routines with the same level of energy and focus.
For instance
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, a study conducted by the Indian Institute of Management revealed that employees who took frequent long
breaks
Use synonyms
 reported lower levels of concentration and productivity in the first two weeks upon resuming work.
This
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 shows that extended holidays may, in some cases, do more harm than good by disrupting professional momentum.
Furthermore
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, prolonged employee absences can hinder the smooth operation of businesses, especially in roles that require consistent supervision and decision-making. If key personnel
such
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 as production managers, finance officers, or project coordinators are unavailable for extended periods, it can delay essential processes and reduce
overall
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 output. A real-world example is the Birla Group, where temporary losses were reported during a major project
due to
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 the absence of a senior supervisor who was on an extended overseas holiday.
This
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 suggests that
while
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 short
breaks
Use synonyms
 are manageable, extended leaves can create significant gaps in workflow. In conclusion,
although
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 taking time off is necessary for employee
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
, granting extended holidays may result in decreased work efficiency and operational challenges for companies.
Therefore
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, I believe that
while
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 regular
breaks
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged, they must be balanced and not overly extended to maintain workplace discipline and business productivity.

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task achievement
Try to include more clear examples in each point to support your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph is connected and flows well from one idea to the next, using linking words.
coherence and cohesion
Add a bit more detail in the conclusion to reinforce your main points instead of just summarizing them.
task achievement
The argument is clear and presents a strong position.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively present the main argument and summarize it well.
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