IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside, while others think that life in a big city offers more opportunities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many individuals believe that growing
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 the countryside is beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that
children
Use synonyms
 who live in big
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 can get a better chance. Both sides present valid arguments.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, living in a big
city
Use synonyms
better
Add a missing verb
is better
show examples
 than
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 village. One main reason why people prefer raising
children
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural areas is the closer connection to nature and healthy mental for kids.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can build their ability to explore things in the village rather than playing
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 at home.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
is helps
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 enjoy more freedom in their childhood memory.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people argue that growing up in a
city
Use synonyms
 offers more opportunities for
children
Use synonyms
. Living in the
city
Use synonyms
 could provide them with a better education, technology, and healthcare.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 could choose academic
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 with their
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
. It helps
children
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 get an
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 knowledge about technology
while
Linking Words
 they
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the big
city
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will get
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthcare easier rather than living in the
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 growing up in the countryside may help
children
Use synonyms
 the ability to explore nature and better mental health for them when they enjoy a peaceful environment, living in a big
city
Use synonyms
 offers more better chances
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 education, technology, and healthcare.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that growing up in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
city
Use synonyms
 provides them
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 rather than living in the countryside.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly restate your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to make it easier to understand.
task achievement
Try to use more examples to support your points, making your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and sentence structures to improve overall clarity.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, which is good for discussion essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the points effectively, showing your opinion clearly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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