IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some companies sponsor sport and sport star as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the rise of popularity in sports,
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
 found a new way to advertise themself through sponsorship.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 supports athletes to be more productive and efficient, it can
also
Linking Words
 harm the culture and meaning of
sport
Use synonyms
. Over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades,
sport
Use synonyms
got
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more and more competitive and to be able to stay on the top, it is mandatory to train long hours with the best equipment. For
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 stars it is important to get the best training possible, no matter the cost.
This
Linking Words
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they have to make money
while
Linking Words
 preparing for a competition. Companies can make
this
Linking Words
 possible by having the athlete wear their logo or equipment at championships and in
return
Add a comma
return,
show examples
 the person can focus on their training plan with the best equipment. Both
partys
Correct your spelling
parties
 can benefit, as their shared goal is to earn medals and be seen by many.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the cultural aspect of the
sport
Use synonyms
 gets overshadowed by advertisements.
Sport
Use synonyms
 has always been a competition between different towns, states or countries. Jocks were proud of their association and winning for your country was the biggest accomplishment one could get. With the rise of sponsoring, the best of the best go where the money and
therefore
Linking Words
 biggest sponsor is. In conclusion, players fight more for a company than their country.
This
Linking Words
 is often seen in football, where players switch clubs for horrendous sums just to play against their previous
team mates
Correct your spelling
teammates
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. In summary, sponsoring can improve the
sport
Use synonyms
 as a whole and give people their best chances
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 showing their skills.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Sport
Use synonyms
 should be a way to represent your town or country and make the people watching proud of being a part of that. I believe,
as
Correct word choice
that as
show examples
 long as advertisements
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 spoil the
sport
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can influence it in a positive way.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It helps the reader know your stance right away.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words (like 'moreover' or 'however') to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Check for small spelling mistakes, such as 'companys' instead of 'companies' and 'partys' instead of 'parties'.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of the positive and negative aspects of sponsorship in sports.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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