IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from health problems due to being overweight is increasing. Some people believe that the best way to deal with this issue is to increase the price of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
people
Use synonyms
 are facing health issues, mainly obesity. Most individuals argue that the most effective method to control obesity is
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should double the
prices
Use synonyms
 for fast
food
Use synonyms
 items. In my opinion, I completely agree with the statement.
However
Linking Words
, not only
increase
Verb problem
should
show examples
 the
prices
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should motivate the community to do regular exercise and a healthy diet as well.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nowadays a growing number of young
people
Use synonyms
 are consuming the
process
Replace the word
processed
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 items
such
Linking Words
 as nuggets, burgers, packet foods and soft drinks. These are the main reasons, and the
government
Use synonyms
 should consider
to increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 the product value or even
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 these items.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 can start free medical checkups and
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
 and encourage the public to
follow
Correct pronoun usage
follow them
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
an regular exercises
Correct the article-noun agreement
regular exercises
a regular exercise
show examples
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 to control their weight and other health issues. Daily exercise
such
Linking Words
 as running, walking, cycling, and swimming can improve heart health and
fastest
Correct article usage
the fastest
show examples
 way to reduce weight.
Moreover
Linking Words
, yoga helps to keep
Correct article usage
an individuals
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 body calm and overthinking
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
 so
people
Use synonyms
 can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better sleep.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the leaders and increase the
prices
Use synonyms
 or they can even ban
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide knowledge about
food
Use synonyms
choses
Correct your spelling
choices
 and how
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 individuals. I partially agree with the statement and
people
Use synonyms
 should not only focus on increasing
prices
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 spread
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 related to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and why
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly states a main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points about unhealthy foods and their effects.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to make your points clearer.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic, which is good for task response.
task achievement
You mention both price increase and promoting healthy lifestyles, which shows a balanced view.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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