IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

Crime
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 prevention is a crucial topic that raises debate about who should take primary responsibility — the
government
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 or
individuals
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.
While
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 some argue that authorities must handle
crime
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 control, others believe people should protect themselves.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I support the role of the
government
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 in
crime
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 prevention. Many people believe that the
government
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 should be responsible for preventing
crime
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 because it has the resources and authority to enforce laws and maintain public order. Governments can employ police forces, implement security measures, and develop community programs to deter criminal activity.
Additionally
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, strong legal systems and punishment act as deterrents to potential offenders, making the environment safer for everyone.
On the other hand
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, some argue that
individuals
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 must take responsibility for their own safety. Given that it is impossible for law enforcement to be everywhere at once, people should learn how to protect themselves through self-defence techniques, awareness, and precautionary measures.
This
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 approach can empower citizens and reduce victimization, especially in areas where police presence is limited. In my opinion,
while
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individuals
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 should certainly take steps to safeguard themselves, the primary responsibility lies with the
government
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. Only through effective law enforcement, strict laws, and social programs can
crime
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 rates be significantly reduced. Governments have the power to create safer environments, which ultimately benefit the entire society. In conclusion, both the
government
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 and
individuals
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 have important roles to play in
crime
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 prevention.
However
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, I believe that the
government
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 must take the lead in ensuring public safety, complemented by
individuals
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’ proactive efforts to protect themselves.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention a country that effectively used government programs to reduce crime.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to better guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a good structure overall.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, and you acknowledge both sides of the debate effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • responsibility
  • crime
  • prevention
  • individual
  • protect
  • services
  • law
  • enforcement
  • community
  • programs
  • education
  • awareness
  • courses
  • neighborhood
  • watch
  • safety
  • investment
  • deterrent
  • empower
  • poverty
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