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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart below provides information about a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 joining different sports activities
such
Linking Words
 as Tennis,
basketball
Use synonyms
, cricket,golf,swimming,football and rugby in the years between 1997 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can seen all the sports categories have experienced fluctuations. The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 join tennis over the periods.
However
Linking Words
, the second was a rugby player.
Moreover
Linking Words
, fewer
people
Use synonyms
 were interested in cricket and
basketball
Use synonyms
. In 1997 Fifty
thousand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 participated in tennis,
however
Linking Words
, it rose in the year 2017 to about eight
thousand
Use synonyms
. Golf almost thirty-two
thousand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 in 1997 which
was grown
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 in 2017 by approximately two
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, football and rugby were the second and third most popular
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 in 1997 both
game
Change to a plural noun
games
show examples
 had about thirty-three
thousand
Use synonyms
 young
people
Use synonyms
 and it has significantly
grownth
Correct your spelling
grown
 in 2017 by about forty
thousand
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
 group of
people
Use synonyms
 participated in
basketball
Use synonyms
 and cricket in 1997 which was less than thirty
thousand
Use synonyms
, followed by
basketball
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 less than ten
thousand
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, throughout the year swimming remained steady.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, basketball, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • increase/decrease in numbers
  • trend
  • decade
  • relatively stable
  • major sports
  • potential reasons
  • contributing factors
  • public interest
  • comparison
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