IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that non-academic subjects at school should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that extracurricular subjects should be excluded from
syllabus
Correct article usage
the syllabus
show examples
 so that
students
Use synonyms
 can focus only on
academic related
Add a hyphen
academic-related
show examples
 topics. From my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 stance is
fully
Rephrase
completely
show examples
 wrong and must be avoided at all costs as it will have a negative impact on children in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future. Regardless of the importance of
academics
Use synonyms
 in a
student
Change noun form
student's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, co-curricular and extracurricular activities should be given importance owing to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 beneficial effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
life
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 so I fully disagree with
this
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 statement. Non-academic subjects are not confined to sports, science
fair
Fix the agreement mistake
fairs
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,
debates
Correct word choice
and debates
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that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 common to most schools but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
refers
Correct subject-verb agreement
refer
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 to activities beyond that. In
Use synonyms
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
this
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 type of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 hones the skills of
students
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 whilst
also
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 contributing to their betterment. Through engaging in multiple co-curriculars in
school
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 and outside
school
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 they have a
new found
Correct your spelling
newfound
show examples
 interest in it which allows them to showcase their talent to many. Consecutively participating in various festivals, fairs,
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
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,
tournaments
Correct word choice
and tournaments
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 out a new perspective of
life
Use synonyms
 in them where they become passionate about it whilst the idea
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 competition
drive
Change the verb form
drives
show examples
 them towards pushing their limits in order to achieve success. Later in
life
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,
this
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 experience
attribute
Verb problem
contributed
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 to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 them as a better person in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Academics
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 is inarguably the most valuable and important aspect of
school
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 which takes them to great heights in
life
Use synonyms
. Succeeding in these parts surely ensures their place in a better college or university.
Moreover
Linking Words
, all
students
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 are well aware that
academics
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 are second to none
however
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 if they fully focus on
academics
Use synonyms
 throughout their
school
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 the idea of extracurriculars
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 foreign to them which is to some extent disadvantageous.
Academics
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along with
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 Extra and
co-curriculars
Correct your spelling
co-curricular
 play
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of roles in their
life
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thus
Linking Words
 shaping their talents,
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
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in addition
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 to experience
thus
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 preparing them for real
life
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.
To conclude
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, if
students
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 are able to find a perfect balance between
academics
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 and
non- academic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
show examples
 subjects
then
Linking Words
 they will find
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 in a very successful spot in their later journeys of
life
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good. However, it could be made stronger by outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects back to your main argument. Some points feel a bit unclear in how they support your opinion.
task achievement
Try to give specific examples for each point to make your argument stronger and clearer. This will help to show the importance of non-academic subjects.
task achievement
You have expressed a clear opinion from the start, and this consistency is great for your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which is a good way to end your essay.
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