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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such asreading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, somepeople think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be addedto the list. To what extent do you agree?

As the traditional subjects consolidate
the
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apply
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systematic and developed education, the debate over whether
computer
Use synonyms
 science should be included in the main courses remains a controversy.
While
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 there are inherent drawbacks
of
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to
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this
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 trend, it, arguably, is more beneficial in the long run. The crux of the matter is the overwhelming cost. Typically, the procurement of technical infrastructure and employment of relevant faculty request substantial financial investments, and the opportunity cost of less funding on healthcare, infrastructure, etc. falls on taxpayers. Looking at the big picture, students with proficient
computer
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 skills are more likely to commit juvenile delinquencies, along the lines of stealing online information and conducting cyber-attacks towards the school network, in light of more tangible skills compared to what is taught in conventional courses. To be more specific,
this
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 could potentially result in social
unrests
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unrest
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 and crises to authorities. Albeit the aforementioned downsides, the upsides are undeniably more apparent, taking comprehensive skills and technological growth into consideration. Individually, by exposure to components and rationales of diverse electronic devices, digital natives gain
deeper
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a deeper
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understandings
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understanding
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 of other realms,
such
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 as chemistry and physics, applying theories and formulas to real-life problems.
Moreover
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, a higher proportion of technological workers is cultivated with contemporary teaching methods, which not only addresses the unemployment of high-tech companies
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 acts as a driving force of economic growth
due to
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 the enhanced productivity of capital goods. As far as the environments are concerned, more
computer
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 technicians can possibly approach
to
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apply
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environmental issues by dedicating
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them into
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into
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to
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 eco-friendly products or less resource-intensive algorithms. Statistically, in China, the second largest technological superpower among all nations, 15% of the population
own
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owns
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 e-cars, reducing
the
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apply
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overall
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 noise and air pollution by 20%.
To conclude
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,
this
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 unconventional policy meets the major needs,
although
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 there are some inevitable opportunity costs.
Consequently
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, governments should embark to the front from behind the scenes to set
computer
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 science as an optional course and add more
computer
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-related majors to colleges.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clear organization of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main point with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Support your ideas with examples that connect more directly to the main topic; think about relevance to the question on computer skills in education.
coherence and cohesion
Simplify some complex sentences for better understanding and clarity.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the benefits of computer skills in education and provide some relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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