IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many government think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, hoever, think that others types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In those days economic
progress
Use synonyms
consider
Wrong verb form
was considered
show examples
 the most important part of any
country
Use synonyms
. Governments around the universe focus on economic
progress
Use synonyms
 to improve their
countries
Use synonyms
 and make high life
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 for their people. Economic border9 can be a source of power the counter can use or to
infores
Correct your spelling
influence
 the others. It is not the only important side to
progress
Use synonyms
 but it is
powerful
Correct article usage
a powerful
show examples
 one. Around the
sphere
Add a comma
sphere,
show examples
 all the
countries
Use synonyms
, are racing with each other to improve themselves.
First,
Linking Words
improvement includes making deals with other
countries
Use synonyms
 which can noted by the economic field.
Second,
Linking Words
some people think the most important field should any
country
Use synonyms
 focusing on
progress
Use synonyms
 is the army.
In addition
Linking Words
, if the
country
Use synonyms
 has a powerful army, the world will consider them as a red line.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the army is not the only progressing side there are many sides
such
Linking Words
 as the relationship between
countries
Use synonyms
, the
wars
Fix the agreement mistake
war
show examples
 history between them and their land resources. In
this
Linking Words
 world, all the
countries
Use synonyms
 have their relationships with each other and their enemies
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example,KSA and USA.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people consider decreasing number of the enemies
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 their first priority to be in peace.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some of them think if the
country
Use synonyms
 has economic contact with a powered
country
Use synonyms
, it can protect them from their enemies.
Also
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land resources are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a major sector that any government need to discover
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. A scientific study has
Correct your spelling
shown
showen
Correct your spelling
shown
 that oil will support all the fields for
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government In
conclousion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I think that fields are important as economic fields for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments. Economic
progress
Use synonyms
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priority over the other because it can be the power to influence any
country
Use synonyms
 and can be the way to make any link with
countries
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. It should guide the reader on what to expect in your essay.
coherence
Try to use clearer organization. Each paragraph should have a main idea that is easy to follow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your ideas better.
coherence
Check your grammar and spelling. There are several mistakes that make it hard to understand your points clearly.
positive
You introduce interesting points about economic progress and military strength that are relevant to your topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: