IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Society thinks that
university
Use synonyms
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 most effective for get a good
job
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 others think that getting
experience
Use synonyms
 and developing soft skills
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more important. Both of them have advantages and I'm going to
discuss
Correct pronoun usage
discuss them
show examples
, but I believe that
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education is more effective for
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a good
job
Use synonyms
 and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 your future life because your
university
Use synonyms
diploma
Use synonyms
 very important thing to all
employers
Use synonyms
. On one hand, a
university
Use synonyms
 education
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 important for many professions and for your own fundament. Because
diploma
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
university
Add a verb
university is
university was
show examples
 important for many
employers
Use synonyms
; they can see from
this
Linking Words
diploma
Use synonyms
 how
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
you
study
Wrong verb form
studied
show examples
 and for which profession.
As a result
Linking Words
, you can use
Use synonyms
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 find
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 and very high paid
job
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, universities give very good chances,
for example
Linking Words
, go to abroad,
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 with popular
people
Use synonyms
 or
people
Use synonyms
 who know many interesting about your profession, they can give you advice and they can write you motivation or recommendation
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
 for
job
Use synonyms
employers
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nowadays the vast majority
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that
experience
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 important. Because some
employers
Use synonyms
remand
Correct your spelling
demand
show examples
 that their employees have
experience
Use synonyms
 and developing soft skills.
In addition
Linking Words
, with
job
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
 you can work somewhere without stress because you tried
this
Linking Words
. Other possibilities you can use
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other things for your homework or help for your family.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 at
university
Use synonyms
 or
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
both
Add a missing verb
are both
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
very good and have plus. All
people
Use synonyms
 can find
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 with one of them but of course, I think
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 education is more important for
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Try to define the two sides more clearly. Use simple sentences to explain your main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'also', and 'in addition' to help connect your ideas. This will make it easier for the reader to follow.
Task Achievement
Be sure to explain your examples in more detail. This will make your points stronger and help the reader understand your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling. Some words are not used correctly. For example, 'fundament' should be 'foundation', and 'for get' should be 'to get'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to make your conclusions stronger by summarizing your main points clearly.
Task Achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which helps to show your stand on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
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