IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Sorne people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 we can either be competitive or more
easy going
Use the right word
easy-going
show examples
. The competitive people see everything as a
game
Use synonyms
 that they have to win, from being the first one
in finishing
Change preposition
to finish
show examples
 some task, to winning every
game
Use synonyms
 of the sports they practice
everything
Punctuation problem
, everything
show examples
 is ruled
about
Change preposition
by
show examples
 winning. And in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 they can turn absolutely crazy when they
don’t
Use synonyms
 win
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I remember my brother being like
this
Linking Words
, back
Punctuation problem
. Back
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 when we were
younger
Punctuation problem
younger,
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 we used to play video games and one day I won in
fifa he
Correct your spelling
FIFA. He
 started hitting me, punching me
it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 was crazy
Punctuation problem
. there
show examples
there is
Use the right word
That's
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 where I
realized
Change the spelling
realised
show examples
 that competitive people can’t control themselves
some times
Use the right word
sometimes
show examples
. But there is something I admire in competitive players is that they
are
Verb problem
apply
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never
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 up. We used to find
this
Linking Words
 mentality in
high level
Use the right word
high-level
show examples
 athletes
, let's
Punctuation problem
. Let's
show examples
 take the example of
la
Fix capitalization
La
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 “Remontada”
Barcelona
Punctuation problem
. Barcelona
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 were losing
four zero
Use the right word
four-zero
show examples
 in the first
game
Use synonyms
 and managed to end up winning the
game
Use synonyms
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 though no one believed in them
they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 were definitely competitive
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 if not
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 would have given up.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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 I’m a
non competitive
Use the right word
non-competitive
show examples
 guy, I
don’t
Use synonyms
 care to lose if I’m playing against children (or my brother)
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I have never cheated to win because I
don’t
Use synonyms
 get the point in doing
this
Linking Words
. I think
non competitive
Use the right word
non-competitive
show examples
 players are more
easy going
Use the right word
easy-going
show examples
 and usually
don’t
Use synonyms
 want
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
. Even though I’m not
competitive
Punctuation problem
competitive,
show examples
 I
don’t
Use synonyms
 like to lose either
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it never affects me for a long time. I don't think about it a lot after the loss.

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overall
Add a short intro that states both sides and your own view. End with a short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence
Try to put one idea in one sentence. Use simple link words to join ideas, like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example'.
task
Give both sides some clear points and use examples for each. Do not only talk about one side.
idea
The writer shows a clear own view.
strength
The story of the remontada gives a real example to show not giving up.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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