IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think traveling abroad is necessary while others think that is not necessary because TV and the Internet can give the same information

While
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 some say learning about other countries can be only possible when
people
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travel
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 abroad, others do not feel so because of the advancements in
latest
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the latest
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 technology. Both views are topical in nature, and so a critical assessment is needed before framing a logical conclusion. On the one hand, the former group believes that what a
person
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 perceives from his naked eyes is different from what he learns from other sources. To be clearer,
media
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 have limitations in copying the
culture
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 and tradition of a geographical area with utmost perfection, and when it is seen in
person
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, the satisfaction level of perception would be superior.
For example
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, it is better to go to China and
experience
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 their living conditions, climate, language and food rather than watching it on visual
media
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 like TV and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, which has limited access to the Chinese indigenous
culture
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.
On the other hand
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,For those who do not have free
time
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 to
travel
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 overseas, there is no need to
travel
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 abroad in
person
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. The information obtained through mass
media
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 is the same.Modern networks have solved the problem of regional restrictions in tourism，
For example
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, many
people
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 want to
travel
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 abroad to watch the World Cup and
experience
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 the atmosphere of live matches.
Then
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, because the World Cup is held in different countries each
time
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, many
people
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 are unable to apply for tourist visas in a timely manner and give up going to the venue in
person
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. Live television broadcasting allows these
people
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 to watch live matches through the internet without having to physically attend, effectively solving the problem of geographical restrictions. At the same
time
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, live broadcasting
also
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 allows online viewers to feel the tense atmosphere. in my opinion, I am more inclined towards the second. If there is a need for in-depth
experience
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 of
culture
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, it is unquestionable to be there in
person
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. Mass
media
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 in today's society can
also
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 provide effective information. After analyzing both views in detail, I think modern visual technology and related
media
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 have given enough access to
people
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 to know about any foreign country. At the same
time
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, I believe if a
person
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 has
intense
Correct article usage
an intense
show examples
 desire and resources to
travel
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,
a
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apply
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more intense learning is possible. In summary, If there is a need for
in-depth
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an in-depth
show examples
experience
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 of
culture
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, it is unquestionable to be there in
person
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 .
However
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, for ordinary
people
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, the mass
media
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 in today's society can
also
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 provide effective information for the vast majority of
people
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 to learn.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main points are clear and easy to follow. Use linking words to connect your ideas.
task achievement
Try to give more examples to support your ideas. This will help show your understanding better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction states the main ideas clearly and your conclusion summarizes them well.
task achievement
You present both views on the topic, which shows you understand different perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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