IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, the
government
Use synonyms
should have
Verb problem
has played
show examples
 a huge role
to prevent
Change preposition
in preventing
show examples
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 and other
issues
Use synonyms
might
Verb problem
that are
show examples
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 by residents.
Although
Linking Words
 it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
authorities
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to prevent serious
issues
Use synonyms
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 does not mean that it is a bad idea to do it. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
authorities
Use synonyms
 have a great role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
, there are several
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
allowing
Change preposition
to allowing
show examples
 governments to reduce
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
, they have to set rules for not only residents but
also
Linking Words
 for business owners by putting fines and taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 factories and companies to reduce
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 to reduce
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 and
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 like lung cancer, skin cancer, and asthma. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, in
Europe
Add a comma
Europe,
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
put
Verb problem
imposed
show examples
 fines for using plastic
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
show examples
 because throwing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 can affect on environment negatively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should encourage people to use public transportation which
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in reducing
air
Use synonyms
 gases that
emit
Wrong verb form
are emitted
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 cars which lead to
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 and
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 health
issues
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 by constructing modern transportation systems that allow citizens to use it
instead
Linking Words
 of using their own vehicles.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
authorities
Use synonyms
 should play a significant role
to help
Verb problem
in
show examples
 solving house problems because it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential
needs
Change the noun form
need
show examples
 for everybody. people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 without
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 will have financial
burden
Fix the agreement mistake
burdens
show examples
 which might affect their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in
adverse
Change the article
an adverse
show examples
 way.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should support families
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 building their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 by giving them
low
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
benefit
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 to build their houses.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my own perspective, I totally agree that
government
Use synonyms
 has
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to reduce
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 and home problems which leads to
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of health
issues
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is achieved by
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 different policies and encouraging people to buy houses. In conclusion, it is
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to protect
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 residents by
set
Wrong verb form
setting
show examples
 different rules and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
reduce
varities
Correct your spelling
varieties
 of health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 that society suffers from. I hope that all
authorities
Use synonyms
 in the world
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their citizens and protect their
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion and outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. Consider making the thesis statement more straightforward.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. Words like 'also', 'firstly', and 'on the other hand' can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling errors, such as 'benifits' instead of 'benefits' and 'a essential' instead of 'an essential'.
content
You presented some good ideas about the government's role in reducing pollution and housing problems.
content
Your examples, such as the fines for plastic bags in Europe, add strength to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
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