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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa, subscribing to move by and fixed line phones from 1994 to 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa, subscribing to move by and fixed line phones from 1994 to 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided chart illustrates the variation
innumber
Correct your spelling
in number
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in Africa subscribing to
mobiles
Use synonyms
 and fixed line
phones
Use synonyms
 between 1994 and 2004. 
overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile usage showed an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
 Fixed devices increased slowly
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 the years.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in the graph
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fixed
phones
Use synonyms
 were used more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobiles
Use synonyms
, with around 1.7%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
. In 2000, the usage slightly increased by almost 2.5%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in 2004, there was not a high difference in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of citizens that used fixed
phones
Use synonyms
, but it slowly increased to 3.1%
overall
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 used
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In 1994, no one in Africa used
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
phones
Use synonyms
, but suddenly the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobiles
Use synonyms
 increased
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 the years. In 1999,
people
Use synonyms
 who used these devices increased slightly to 10%. Between 2000 and 2004, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
used
Correct pronoun usage
who used
show examples
mobiles
Use synonyms
 increased significantly throughout the years, the end of the chart shows that in 2004
people
Use synonyms
 numbers increased to around 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, mobiles, phones with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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