IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

News stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this?

Demonstration of felonious violence in mass
media
Use synonyms
 induces public fear and incites deviant behaviour. Some individuals believe that in mainstream
media
Use synonyms
platforms
Add a comma
platforms,
show examples
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data should be taboo. Personally, I absolutely support
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint as criminal brutality traumatises
media
Use synonyms
 consumers,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
, forms
mean world
Add a hyphen
mean-world
show examples
 syndrome.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 audience of traditional print and TV programmes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 elderly people.
In addition
Linking Words
, these humans are especially susceptible to the harmful effects of violent crime coverage.
Due to
Linking Words
fragile
Correct pronoun usage
their fragile
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 mental
state
Add a comma
state,
show examples
old-aged
Correct your spelling
old
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 individuals are vulnerable to the psychological or even physical impact of
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
felonious content.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
media
Use synonyms
 exposure can trigger serious medical conditions, including heart attacks or strokes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that violent crimes can exacerbate public anxiety. Seeing criminal brutality news everywhere
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
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 level of distrust in society.
Due to
Linking Words
 distorted perception of crime prevalence
mean
Verb problem
apply
show examples
world syndrome will eventually appear among human beings.
In addition
Linking Words
, everyone starts to avoid public spaces and will not support overly punitive policies.
Thus
Linking Words
 mankind may become extinct because of social fragmentation. Taking everything into account, journalistic reportage of violence in mainstream
media
Use synonyms
 poses significant risks to both individual well-being and societal cohesion. It causes traumatic effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 vulnerable human beings and deteriorates
mindset
Correct article usage
the mindset
show examples
 of
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, public information channels should not represent
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 of aggression as it warrants prohibition.

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task achievement
Make sure to add more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to separate your ideas more clearly into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and clearer language to express your ideas. This will make your essay easier to understand.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You present a relevant issue regarding the impact of violent news on the elderly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • empathize
  • instantaneous comprehension
  • irrefutable evidence
  • transcend language barriers
  • overreliance
  • oversimplification
  • misinformation
  • desensitizing
  • nuance
  • in-depth analysis
  • symbiotic relationship
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