IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A large income is much more important than being satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 fast-paced world, much has been said about a stable income as the final measure of success.
While
Linking Words
 financial security is undoubtedly important, I strongly disagree with the idea that it would outweigh the
career
Use synonyms
 satisfaction. From my perspective, long-term well-being and motivation should be
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
prioritized.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, job satisfaction plays a vital role in an individual's mental and emotional health. Many
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
 have studied that people who enjoy their
work
Use synonyms
 are generally more motivated,
productive
Correct word choice
and productive
show examples
 and experience lower levels of stress.
In contrast
Linking Words
, people who choose their jobs based on salary, are often associated with burnout, anxiety, or even depression. Speaking of my own case, after being diagnosed
anxiety
Change preposition
with anxiety
show examples
 disorder, I resigned
my
Change preposition
from my
show examples
 office
work
Use synonyms
 to pursue my art journey, accepting the fact that my income
will be fluctuated
Wrong verb form
would fluctuate
show examples
 and
unstable
Add a missing verb
be unstable
show examples
. The decision appears to be risky for many people, yet, it helps me improve my mental health,
shown
Correct word choice
as shown
show examples
 by my therapist.
Secondly
Linking Words
, being pleasured at
work
Use synonyms
 contributes to a sense of purpose and belonging. The term 'identification crisis' is far
common
Correct quantifier usage
more common
show examples
 in
recently
Change the word
recent
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and indicates
show examples
indicates
Wrong verb form
indicating
show examples
 individuals who struggle with their purpose of existing.
This
Linking Words
 is usually caused by feeling lost on one's
career
Use synonyms
 path
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and forcing themselves to move forward aimlessly. If we can take a step back and
valuate
Correct your spelling
evaluate
show examples
 our
strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths
show examples
 and
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
 to find the right journey, we will find happiness in
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
our career
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. It might take a longer amount of time,
however
Linking Words
, wealth will
also
Linking Words
 come along
at the end
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 we
work
Use synonyms
 with a strong goal. To summarize, earning a large income can afford one's living expenses,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 should not overshadow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
occupational pride. A fulfilling
career
Use synonyms
, in my opinion, is the key to long-term happiness and success.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check grammar and spelling in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your main points.
task achievement
You express a strong opinion and support it with personal experience, which makes your argument relatable.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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