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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represents the number of members in units of 1000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010

The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represents the number of members in units of 1000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010
The
lline
Correct your spelling
line
gragh
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graph
 illustrates the membership of
mens
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men
show examples
 and
womens
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women
show examples
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 30
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
male
Correct article usage
the male
show examples
 percentage fluctuated
dramiticaly
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dramatically
 over these thirty
years
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
wemens
Correct your spelling
women
 are mainly
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 over the
years
Use synonyms
 with
drop
Add an article
a drop
the drop
show examples
 in two different periods. For males, from 1980 to 1985 the
number
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 of
participents
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participants
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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almost doubled. A slight fluctuation
ocurred
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occurred
 and
then
Linking Words
 a significant drop happened
untill
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until
late
Correct article usage
the late
show examples
 1990s. The
number
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 increased
continiously
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continuously
 reaching 5000 in 2005. Another dramatic decline
ocuured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in membership from 5000 to less than 1000
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 with only about 5
years
Use synonyms
. For females, despite the drop in 1990, the members'
number
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increased steadily
untill
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until
 1995.
Afterthat
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After that
, it
decresed
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decreased
 for five
years
Use synonyms
 from 1995 to 2000. In 2005m iIt went back to the same
number
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
as in
show examples
 1995.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 the
womens
Change to a genitive case
women's
show examples
membershp
Correct your spelling
membership
number
Use synonyms
 dropped again by almost 1000
particpints
Correct your spelling
participants
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Line graph
  • Vertical axis
  • Horizontal axis
  • Gym membership
  • Male and female
  • Trends
  • Increase / Decrease
  • Peak / Drop
  • Comparison
  • Equality / Inequality
  • Period / Time-frame
  • Cultural shifts
  • Health awareness
  • Economic factors
  • Target market
  • Marketing strategies
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