Topic: Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some people argue that extreme sports
such
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as skydiving and skiing must be banned because they are unsafety.
However
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, in my opinion, I completely disagree with their view. In
this
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essay, I will explain why I think so. First of all, those
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
are safe whenever you follow the
rules
Use synonyms
and regulations.
The death
Correct article usage
Death
show examples
accidents always happen when
individual
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individuals
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do not follow the safety manuals.
For example
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, one individual do not implement the checklist
that is
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needed before he start skydiving.
As a result
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, the
parashute
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parachute
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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not unfold and he
hit
Wrong verb form
hits
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the ground heavily. Like
this
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,
life threaten
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life-threatening
show examples
event
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events
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sometimes occur when someone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not follow the
rules
Use synonyms
that are
importnt
Correct your spelling
important
for a safe.
Therefore
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, whenever you follow the
rules
Use synonyms
, you can enjoy those activities.
Secondly
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, those unordinary sports always help me to
refreash
Correct your spelling
refresh
. I sometimes feel
depression
Replace the word
depressed
show examples
when I make a mistake on a job.
However
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, once I experience them, I can forget
an
Change the word
my
show examples
unhappy
feeling
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feelings
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and they encourage me to work harder.
Additionally
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, those activities make new
relationship
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relationships
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and
conversation
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conversations
show examples
with people who have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar hobbies are always fun.
Therefore
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, I
reccomend
Correct your spelling
recommend
to find
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finding
show examples
some new hobbies. In conclusion, I think those activities told to be dangerous are enjoyable whenever you follow the
rules
Use synonyms
and listen carefully to
an instructors
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instructors
an instructor
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, it is important to make friends with people out of work.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to provide clear reasons for your opinions and include both sides of the argument. For example, discuss why some people believe extreme sports should be banned.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Use words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition' to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling. Words like 'unsafe' and 'refresh' should be used correctly. Avoid simple mistakes to improve your score.
Positive Highlight
You express strong personal opinions about extreme sports, showing passion for the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Extreme sports
  • Skydiving
  • Skiing
  • Banned
  • Risks involved
  • Responsibility
  • Individual freedoms
  • Recreational activities
  • Physical fitness
  • Mental resilience
  • Tourism industry
  • Local economies
  • Safety regulations
  • Mandatory training
  • Psychological growth
  • Fatality rate
  • Injury rates
  • Achievement
  • Unique benefits
  • Mitigate risks
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