IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries nowadays, a large number of people are moving to cities. Why do people move to cities? Is this a positive or negative trend?

65% of the world's
population
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 lives in and around urban
cities
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 as there is a
continous
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continuous
 migration of a large number of
people
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 to metropolitan hubs.
This
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 translocation is usually aimed at increasing one's earning potential and improving their quality of life.
Although
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,
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apply
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this
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 relocation is done in hopes of betterment of one's future, I think it is not a positive trend
due to
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 its serious
longterm
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long-term
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 implications. When the majority of the
population
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 is condensed in a
geographically-limited
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geographically limited
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 area, it results in a number of issues. Most commonly, urban crowding strains the public infrastructure and amenities.
This
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 is quite evident
by
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in
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time consuming
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time-consuming
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 traffic jams, crammed public transport and spaces, and overfilled hospitals and schools.
According to
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 a public survey conducted in
Banaglore
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Bangalore
, it takes most
people
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 over an hour to travel a distance of just 5
kilometeres
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kilometres
, and they do not consider
metro
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the metro
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 as a comfortable alternative
due to
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over crowding
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overcrowding
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. Things
brings
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bring
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 light to the fact that every system has a breaking point, and the
ever increasing
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ever-increasing
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 migration of
people
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 to
cities
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 might be fueling the problem of a broken system. Another issue that comes with most
people
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 living in urban
cities
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 is that it forces the
governement
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government
 to
further
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 marginalise rural areas and focus on the
developement
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development
 of
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 becomes crucial as a means to adequately accommodate the new large
population
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, but in the process, creates a
further
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 divide in the socio-economic conditions of small towns as compared to urban areas.
This
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 disparity might encourage more
people
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into leaving
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to leave
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 their hometowns, which
further
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 worsens
this
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 problem. In conclusion, the increasing
population
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 of city
dewellers
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dwellers
 burdens the public sector and sidelines the development of rural areas, thereby creating a vicious cycle of abandoning rural settlements and overpopulating big
cities
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 phenomenon is clearly detrimental
for
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to
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 the ubiquitous development of any country and must be discouraged.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main idea, linking back to the question throughout.
Task Achievement
Provide more clear examples to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer language to express your ideas, so readers can understand easily.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and communicate it in your conclusion.
Task Achievement
You present relevant problems that arise from urban migration, showing understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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