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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many thing that used to be done in the home by hands are now benig done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages?

It is widely acknowledged that revolutionizing
in
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apply
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all technology fields has great impacts on
people
Use synonyms
’s daily lives. It is evident that these types of changes bring some advantages, like automation in many works, and problems
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of movement during the day.
This
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 essay argues that these developments have more advantages. On the one hand, it is hard to ignore that technological progress makes individuals’ lives more comfortable and anyone tends to use these innovations, especially technophile
people
Use synonyms
. It is obvious that,
however
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, there are some technophobe
people
Use synonyms
 who are less likely to use technology at
home
Use synonyms
 and are more prone to doing it by hand, but it does not mean that technology does not help individuals do housework. To illustrate
this
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 point, almost in every
home
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 there is a dishwasher and
people
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 save their time and water by using
this
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 device, it leads to
less
Correct word choice
lower
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 water costs
as well as
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 a more eco-friendly future for posterities, it
also
Linking Words
 saves time because it washes faster than humans.
On the other hand
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, these changes can lead to some health problems because
people
Use synonyms
 are more prone to a sedentary lifestyle.
That is
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 to say, these
people
Use synonyms
 can easily gain weight in order to become obese. In
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 term, it can cause serious diseases like heart attacks or even it can cause death.
For instance
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, in the
U.S.A
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U.S.A.
 where the obesity rate is the highest in the world,
people
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 have
adapted
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adopted
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 a sedentary lifestyle and the preponderance of the young generation confront obesity
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it is evident that the biggest portion belongs to technological devices used in the
home
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it cannot be ignored that technological devices in the
home
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 are one of the most significant things which make
people
Use synonyms
’s lives easier but it should be agreed that it has some detrimental effects and it can be serious challenges for anyone involved in using them.

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coherence
Try to make your ideas clearer and easier to understand. Use more simple sentences to express your thoughts.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and included both advantages and disadvantages, which is good for task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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