IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes clam that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the emerging and evolving world,
sports
Use synonyms
 or music are the fields that
needs
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need
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 not just
effectivness
Correct your spelling
effectiveness
 but
also
Linking Words
resiliance
Correct your spelling
resilience
 to be successful. There is an ongoing debate about whether individuals who have natural talents are the ones who lead the board,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it can be learned, implied on and
further
Linking Words
 nourished. I firmly believe that the latter opinion is on the upper hand here.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that individuals who have initial abilities may lead in their progress and enter these activities from a young age. They definitely have a head start
to
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on
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 their goals and endpoints.
For example
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, some children may show a natural gift for playing an instrument or excelling in
sports
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 from
young
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a young
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 age and come into the career at an early stage.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the instinctual ability which they possess often adds up to their success.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics argue that with proper
trainings
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training
pieces of training
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 anyone can develop skills in
sports
Use synonyms
 or music. It is often seen that with practice,
hardwork
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hard work
 and support from
mentors
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mentors,
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 they can achieve high levels of performance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can be argued that access to resources like classes and lessons, plays a crucial role.
For instance
Linking Words
, children who have the opportunity to learn and practice regularly may outperform those with their initial talent.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a person's determination, dedication and
preserverance
Correct your spelling
perseverance
 can help them achieve even greater heights. In my opinion,
while
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 people who
have
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were
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 born with talents may get a kickstart in their initial stages of lives,
but
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apply
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the
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apply
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long-term success is dependent on many more important factors
such
Linking Words
 as training, availability of resources, assistance from their teachers or coaches and their commitment and wit towards the same. Like, Virat Kohli who struggled through
his
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the
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 initial stages of life but
, had
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apply
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overcome
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overcame
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 every hurdle in his life to become the world's famous sportsperson. Recapitulating that
sports
Use synonyms
 or music is a field which needs much more than few talents to
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
 in their career. Their
hardwork
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hard work
, long hours of commitment, sacrifices
combining
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combined
show examples
 with proper mentorship and many more factors which ads up to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.

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coherence
Make sure to include clear connections between your ideas and paragraphs.
cohesion
Try to improve your introduction and conclusion so they clearly state your views and summarize your main points.
example
Your examples, like Virat Kohli, are relevant and help support your points well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • talent
  • innate
  • ability
  • sports
  • music
  • gift
  • skill
  • training
  • practice
  • support
  • teachers
  • performance
  • resources
  • classes
  • lessons
  • opportunity
  • dedication
  • environment
  • encouragement
  • success
  • interested
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