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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the cgarts show how it was distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the cgarts show how it was distributed.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie charts and table provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data about the
budget
Use synonyms
 of the
police
Use synonyms
 in Britain in 2017 and 2018. The table illustrates the main sources of money,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts show how the
budget
Use synonyms
 was distributed.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
police
Use synonyms
 were mostly funded by the National Government. The money was mostly spent on salaries in both 2017 and 2018. A slight
increase
Use synonyms
 in the
budget
Use synonyms
 was recorded in 2018. The total
police
Use synonyms
budget
Use synonyms
 in 2017 was 304.7
million
Use synonyms
 pounds,
while
Linking Words
 in 2018 it experienced an
increase
Use synonyms
 to 318.6
million
Use synonyms
. The main source of income during both years was The National Government, which donated 175.5
million
Use synonyms
 pounds to the UK
police
Use synonyms
 department in 2017 and 177.8
million
Use synonyms
 next year. Local taxes contributed to the sum as well, giving 91.2
million
Use synonyms
 to the department in 2017 and 102.3 next year. Other sources were
also
Linking Words
 active sponsors
also
Linking Words
 faced a slight
increase
Use synonyms
 from 38 to 38.5
million
Use synonyms
 pounds. Focusing on
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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, it can be noticed that the biggest proportion of money was spent on the salaries of employees (75% in 2017 and 69% in 2018).
Due to
Linking Words
 the general
increase
Use synonyms
 in the
budget
Use synonyms
, the
budget
Use synonyms
 for technology
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 rose from 8 to 14%. The only sector that had
a
Remove the article
apply
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stable funding in both years was buildings and transport, staying at 17%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget, police, increase, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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