IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, searching for a job become more complex and needs many skills. many youths prefer working or training directly after high school
instead
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 of completing their
education
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. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on both the advantages and disadvantages of why
students
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 choose to work or train to get a job rather than
further
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studying
Replace the word
study
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, starting working in a professional company and getting trained is a productive way. There are some positive points for
this
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 method.
Firstly
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, pupils will get the activity faster. They do not need to wait a long time to find work.
Secondly
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, they will gain many skills through that experience.
For instance
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, my brother is a mechanic and he has worked with his friend for five years. After that period, he opened his own garage. Now he is very successful in his work.
On the other hand
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,
education
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 is very useful. entry should complete their higher learning because it has many advantages. Studying will teach the learners academic knowledge.
Secondly
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,
education
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students
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 will gain more salary than
students
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 who do not have certification. In the
last
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 study in Oman in 2020, most of the citizens who do not study at university have low incomes but educational
students
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 have high salaries and their life quality is better than others.
To sum up
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, pupils prefer to get a job
instead
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 of studying at college. There are some advantages and a few disadvantages. High
education
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 helps the
students
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 to learn many skills and abilities. Their future will become more clear and have a good salary.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but make sure it includes a clear thesis statement that gives your opinion on the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs need better linking words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
When providing examples, try to relate them back to the main point more clearly to show their relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer structure for your arguments, separating the advantages and disadvantages more distinctly.
task achievement
You provided some personal experiences as examples, which made your essay relatable and supported your points well!

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
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