IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying in and after school and have less free time. Do you think it has positive or negative effects on children and society that they live in?

In every
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 there are different
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 of parenting, especially
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 studying and letting their
children
Use synonyms
 enjoy their childhood and teenage phase. I agree that parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
emphasize the importance of education to their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 for their
career
Use synonyms
 growth,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 there should be a borderline between being strict on their studies and giving them room to enjoy their
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 phases in life. There are studies on kids who spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 studying is equivalent to good grades. Eventually, good grades lead to
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 school and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 path. Students who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 studying are most likely
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 the highest achievement. These achievements are relevant when they pursue their
career
Use synonyms
 of choice.
However
Linking Words
, being academically good is not enough for the
ever changing
Add a hyphen
ever-changing
show examples
 society they live in. As much as education is important it is
also
Linking Words
 important for a child to get exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality specifically in terms of socializing. Spending most of their
time
Use synonyms
 studying could lead to isolation making them vulnerable
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 difficult
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, parents should not only
focused
Change the form of the verb
focus
show examples
 on giving their
children
Use synonyms
 the best education but
also
Linking Words
 give them the free
time
Use synonyms
 to explore hobbies or activities. These hobbies and activities that are spent during their free
time
Use synonyms
 could help
theit
Correct your spelling
the
children
Use synonyms
 have a strong position in terms of socializing and decision-making. In conclusion, parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 advocate and
strict
Add a missing verb
are strict
show examples
 on their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 study habits
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 making positive effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
overall
Linking Words
 life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students who
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their
time
Use synonyms
 studying have a positive and good
career
Use synonyms
 trajectory in their lives and the society they live in.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This helps set the stage for your arguments.
coherence
Try to connect your ideas better. Use linking words to show how one idea leads to another
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger and clearer.
coherence
Review your grammar and spelling to avoid errors, such as 'theit' instead of 'their'.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the balance between studying and free time for children.
coherence
The essay structure is mostly clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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