IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that wild
animals
Use synonyms
 are totally losing their
habitats
Use synonyms
 in the 21st century and
Correct word choice
that governement
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governement
Correct your spelling
governments
 or organizations should not waste money and resources to protect them. In my point of view, I totally disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
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 opinion as protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 has numerous benefits. To start with, many actions were taken by different social facilities and organizations to protect animal
habitats
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. Governments used laws and measures to divide certain natural areas
as
Change preposition
into
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 protected places, like jungles or rivers. They sent professionals to research and supervise
endagered
Correct your spelling
endangered
 species there by using cameras, even
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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animals
Use synonyms
 to breed and raise children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, human development is not that exaggregate to take over all animal
habitats
Use synonyms
 as some of the places are not suitable for human living. For
estance
Correct your spelling
instance
, the population
concentrantion
Correct your spelling
concentration
 is still low as only certain species can adapt
high
Change preposition
to high
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tempreture
Correct your spelling
temperature
 and lack of water.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the protection of
animals
Use synonyms
 and their
habitats
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 is significantly important to human beings. Biodiversity is essential for
balance
Add an article
the balance
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 of the ecosystem,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 ensures food security and agricultural production.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wild pollinators like bees are essential for
growth
Add an article
the growth
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 of crops and
such
Linking Words
 extinction reduces
yield
Add an article
the yield
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 of food which may lead to global hunger.
Moreover
Linking Words
, new medicines and treatments can be found by studying animal species like the penicillin found in mold was one of the greatest discoveries for medical development.
Finally
Linking Words
, from the ethical perspective, every
specie
Fix the agreement mistake
species
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 has its
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to live, regardless of its utility to human beings. Preserving biodiversity represents a correction of imbalances caused by human activities In conclusion, there are many
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 examples to prove that most wild
animals
Use synonyms
 still own their
habitats
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 our responsibility to protect them
due to
Linking Words
 the benefits for human development.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It should be clear that you disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Add more linking words to help ideas flow better. For example, use 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' for extra points.
task achievement
Some ideas could be explained more clearly. For example, explain how protecting animals helps humans in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide good examples, like bees and penicillin, to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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