IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their lives. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer moving to different
places
Use synonyms
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
 and
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
. From where I stand, it is definitely good for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. There is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 biggest reason for
that is
Linking Words
 human beings can experience different
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. As we all know, each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 and
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
 have
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 unique sense of living,
such
Linking Words
 as
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of food, views and particular
life
Use synonyms
 rhythm. So if someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to enrich
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
 experiences of
life
Use synonyms
, moving to some different areas of residence and career is a good choice. Meanwhile, changing living and working
places
Use synonyms
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 during
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
 lives may
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 someone achieve more goals, including
life
Use synonyms
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 and career
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
. Perhaps you can not achieve your goals in your present living place, because there is not
develop
Change the form of the verb
developed
show examples
 enough, so you should change your living
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Noticeably,
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 community has some difficult problems and it’s clear that these could be solved by the flow of national and international talents. In China, there is a rural employment policy that needs a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who would like to work in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several years. The government delivers them to help farmers and children who are living alone without parents. If the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer to change residence and working
places
Use synonyms
 a couple of times
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
show examples
 to go up, the rural areas would be constructed better, and
also
Linking Words
 more rural residents could be helped. In conclusion, it’s a great phenomenon that the amounts of
people
Use synonyms
 who would like to change their
places
Use synonyms
 of living and
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Explain your points in greater detail to show your understanding. For example, discuss specific examples of how moving helps communities, not just individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your sentences connect clearly. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to improve the flow between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use correct grammar in your sentences. Mistakes in grammar can confuse readers. For example, 'the biggest reason' should be 'the biggest reason is that'.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion about the changes in career and residence, showing that you understand the topic well.
Task Achievement
You included a real-world example from China, which adds strength to your argument about helping rural communities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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