IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

Advancement
Correct article usage
The advancement
show examples
 of technology enhances the use of social
media
Use synonyms
 among youngsters. Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
such
Linking Words
 sites have adverse effects on youngsters and make them
enable
Correct your spelling
unable
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 to focus
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 personal relations,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that social
media
Use synonyms
 has
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 impact on
relation
Replace the word
relationship
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 building. I completely agree that networking sites bring
people
Use synonyms
 closer. The first and foremost benefit of social
media
Use synonyms
 is the global connectivity. It removed the boundaries between countries and nations.
People
Use synonyms
 can connect and talk to each other overseas.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural and geographical understanding to build strong relations,
people
Use synonyms
 from different countries can get
better
Add an article
a better
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 understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the culture and rituals of each other.
For example
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, TikTok and Facebook users
posts
Change the verb form
post
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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videos and photographs of their famous places and regarding the celebrations of their festivals which
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
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 viral on
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 on international levels
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 help others to know more about their friends from different nations.
However
Linking Words
, some
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that relationships are getting
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
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 because of
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of social
media
Use synonyms
 websites because youngers spending excessive time on these websites
instead
Linking Words
 of spending time with their families and partners.
Moreover
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram profiles and
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
handle
Correct subject-verb agreement
handles
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 always showcase the materialistic side and never
reflects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflect
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 the realistic side of the person which is not true in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cases. Once youngsters
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 connected to someone through these platforms, opens new ways to get information about one’s true personality. To add up, in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 these platforms assist young
people
Use synonyms
 to expand their business and grab new
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 opportunities via getting knowledge about the companies and their products through their social
media
Use synonyms
 websites.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though
Add an article
the
show examples
use of social
media
Use synonyms
effects
Replace the word
affects
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 the
relationship building
Add a hyphen
relationship-building
show examples
 ability of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
but
Correct word choice
apply
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these
website’s
Change the noun form
websites
website
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 more advantages in
form
Correct article usage
the form
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 of enhancing cultural importance and connecting overseas.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
Add a stronger conclusion summarizing key points and reaffirming your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and sentence clarity to improve overall understanding.
task response
You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach.
task achievement
You provided specific examples like TikTok and Facebook, which help clarify your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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