IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the ward people are choosing to live alone instead of living with family or roommates. What problems does this trend cause? What are some possible solutions to this issue?

In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 people are prepared to stay in separate accommodation away from their families or
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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. And they come in they coming it say I am going to explain the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 discussion and explore the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.  The issue behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a lot.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, individuals who live a long start to
loose
Replace the word
lose
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 their connection with their parents and friends slowly. To explain, people
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 most of their day at work and when they
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 home they prefer to relax rather than
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 the family and
this
Linking Words
 contributes to weakness in the relationship with the family.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
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 reason, it could be dangerous especially if the person is sick or old. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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, they could
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
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 to a medical emergency that
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 fast attention but no one is around and might
ended
Change the verb form
end
be ended
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 with death.
For example
Linking Words
, many news on TV showed people who died alone either. medical issue or crime. There are many solutions that could help in
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, living in a house near
to
Change preposition
apply
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the family property. It will help in keeping the privacy that the person wants and still keep the relationship with the family updated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, specified one day in the week for family, gatherings and checking on each other.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Yemen, there is a habit
that
Change preposition
of
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 the whole family
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
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 each other on weekends. In conclusion, the issue of living alone is a serious one
however
Linking Words
, it can be addressed by inventing a habit of weekend family gatherings.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. State the problems and solutions directly to help the reader understand your main points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support your ideas. This can make your argument stronger and easier to understand.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are unclear or contain mistakes, making it hard to understand your point.
Task Achievement
You have a clear intent to address both problems and solutions, which is important in responding to the task.
Task Achievement
Your points about the dangers of living alone and the importance of family visits are relevant and show some understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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