IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that young
people
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 need to obtain a full-
time
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education
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 until the age of 18. I agree because first it prepares them for
employment
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, and,
second,
Linking Words
reduces the risk of harmful
behaviours
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. Young
people
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 studying until they turn 18 ensures
employment
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 for them in the future. Most
career’s
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careers
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 today require high critical thinking
skills
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 and communication
skills
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 just studying numeracy and literacy is not enough. By continuing their studies through the teenage years students have the chance to gain high
skills
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 from their
education
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 and these
skills
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 make them more capable when looking for
employment
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.
For example
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, most jobs require working in a team collaboratively and creating presentations for the company. A young person staying in
school
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 until 18 will automatically learn these, as they will have to work with their classmates together to create different presentations in class and present
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 front of everyone. Engaging in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
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education
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 reduces the risk of teenagers engaging in harmful
behaviours
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. When young
people
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 leave
school
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 at an early age, they may get bored at home and engage in
behaviours
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such
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 as
thefting
Correct your spelling
theft
thefts
.
This
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 is why staying engaged in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
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education
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 is important as
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school
Add an article
the school
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 provides not only academic instruction but teaches them social structure
such
Linking Words
 as following rules and learning from mentors.
For instance
Linking Words
, students engaged in social activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports, often have less unstructured free
time
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 and are mainly focused on their goals.
This
Linking Words
 keeps them away from negative influences and helps them stay focused on
school
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. In conclusion, staying in
full
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full-time
show examples
time
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education
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 until young
people
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 turn 18 is an important aspect
in
Change preposition
of
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 their life. Staying engaged in
education
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 helps them build
skills
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 to secure their
employment
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 and
also
Linking Words
 reduces the risk of harmful
behaviours
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to support all your ideas with clear examples. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help with the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check for small spelling errors, for example, 'thefting' should be 'theft'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a strong start.
task achievement
You provide relevant points about education preparing for work and preventing negative behavior.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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