IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every day, animals are becoming extinct throughout the world. What do you think the cause of this? What solution/measures can you suggest to deal with this

Nowadays, more and more creatures are becoming extinct throughout the world.
this
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 essay intends to suggest some causes.
Also
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, variable solutions for
this
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 problem. On one side, there are many causes for extinction.
Firstly
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, overhunting some unique
animals
Use synonyms
 in many African countries to sell them on the black market.
For example
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, in Kenya, wealthy people intend to kill elephants and lions for their teeth and
lazers
Correct your spelling
lasers
 to make clothes and
shoes
Change the noun form
shoe
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 products.
Furthermore
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, a Lack of medical treatment for
animals
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 in wildlife may cause a high number of deaths among the
animals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in 2002, there was widespread illness among lions in Tanzania, and
due to
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 a lack of vaccination, over 1200 lions died in that year. there are sensitive types of
animals
Use synonyms
 that need urgent treatment to prevent them from dying.
On the other hand
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, certain measures should be taken to prevent
this
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 trend.
Secondly
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, the government plays an active role in the decline of hunting
animals
Use synonyms
.
Such
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 as, but with hard punishment for those who break the rules.
As a result
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,
this
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 will definitely decrease the hunting percentage. if these rules
applied
Add a missing verb
are applied
show examples
 in the hall countries around the world without permission.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical organizations must provide medical points around the forests for treatment and research on how to avoid
this
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 illness makes a huge impact on various
animals
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the government should raise local awareness about the danger of hunting these
animals
Use synonyms
 in different places, like schools, universities, and markets.
To sum up
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, to save
animals
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 from hunting and protect them from illness. it needs massive efforts from both the government
must
Correct word choice
and must
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 put unbroken rules for hunters who sell these items on the black market.
Also
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, local societies must be involved in
this
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 program to save the planet.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the structure of your paragraphs. Each point should be more clearly linked to your overall argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, making them clearer and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to capitalize the first letter of the first word in a sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use complete sentences and avoid fragments or run-on sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
You addressed both causes and solutions, which is a good approach.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, which is positive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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