Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think
permanent
Add an article
the permanent
a permanent
show examples
job is more important because it makes us feel
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
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and stable ,
while
Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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individuals satisfaction in
job
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a job
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is more important . From my perspective , both are important for our
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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and daily life . I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
permanent
jobs
Use synonyms
are more important in reality , as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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can make us stable and free from any financial crisis .
For example
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,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
officers with stable
jobs
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and high
income
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incomes
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are more satisfied and happy in their lives compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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corporate workers who often have fear of losing their work to others .
Secondly
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in
this
Linking Words
economy with skyrocketing prices we need permanent
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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in order to
suvive
Correct your spelling
survive
.
In contrast
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, there are some lucrative
jobs
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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give amazing rewards
but
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apply
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in exchange
of
Change preposition
for
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our comfort . Some
employee
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employees
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prefer to be satisfied
instead
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of permanent
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, doctors who
has
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have
show examples
huge
demand
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demands
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in certain countries and have a heavy workload .
Firstly
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, they work
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
for 15 to 16 hours
incase
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in case
show examples
of critical conditions or
emergency
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emergencies
show examples
.
Secondly
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,they are often asked to treat or work at odd hours which impacts their
overall
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physical and mental health . A number of
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
showed that numerous medical
worker
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workers
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are suffering from depression or anxiety .
Thus
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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think in
this
Linking Words
situation it would be
care
Fix the infinitive
to care
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about our health conditions
instead
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of having a stable career . In my view
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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better to have a permanent job which gives us security and
stabiliity
Correct your spelling
stability
,the only exception would be when
its
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it's
it is
show examples
detrimental to our health .

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task achievement
Try to write a clearer introduction that outlines both views more effectively. Make sure it presents the topic and your position clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using more linking words, like 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'furthermore'. This will help your argument connect better.
task achievement
Expand your examples to make them more relevant and detailed. Each example should clearly support the point you're making.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the topic by discussing both perspectives.
task achievement
Your essay includes examples which make your points more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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