IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think
permanent
Add an article
the permanent
a permanent
show examples
 job is more important because it makes us feel
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 and stable ,
while
Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 individuals satisfaction in
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 is more important . From my perspective , both are important for our
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and daily life . I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 permanent
jobs
Use synonyms
 are more important in reality , as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can make us stable and free from any financial crisis .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 officers with stable
jobs
Use synonyms
 and high
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
 are more satisfied and happy in their lives compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corporate workers who often have fear of losing their work to others .
Secondly
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 economy with skyrocketing prices we need permanent
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in order to
suvive
Correct your spelling
survive
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are some lucrative
jobs
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 give amazing rewards
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in exchange
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our comfort . Some
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 prefer to be satisfied
instead
Linking Words
 of permanent
jobs
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , doctors who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 huge
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 in certain countries and have a heavy workload .
Firstly
Linking Words
, they work
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 for 15 to 16 hours
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
 of critical conditions or
emergency
Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,they are often asked to treat or work at odd hours which impacts their
overall
Linking Words
 physical and mental health . A number of
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 showed that numerous medical
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 are suffering from depression or anxiety .
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think in
this
Linking Words
 situation it would be
care
Fix the infinitive
to care
show examples
 about our health conditions
instead
Linking Words
 of having a stable career . In my view
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 better to have a permanent job which gives us security and
stabiliity
Correct your spelling
stability
,the only exception would be when
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 detrimental to our health .

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task achievement
Try to write a clearer introduction that outlines both views more effectively. Make sure it presents the topic and your position clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using more linking words, like 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'furthermore'. This will help your argument connect better.
task achievement
Expand your examples to make them more relevant and detailed. Each example should clearly support the point you're making.
task achievement
You show a good understanding of the topic by discussing both perspectives.
task achievement
Your essay includes examples which make your points more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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