Some people believe that in order to reduce crimes, prisoners should be given longer prison sentences while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, there is concern about
crime
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, and some
people
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think that it is better for prisoners to serve longer
prison
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sentences to reduce
crime
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,
while
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others believe there are alternative ways to tackle
this
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issue. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion later. Starting with the first view, there are two main reasons why
people
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think
this
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way.
First,
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prison
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makes prisoners appreciate the value of freedom.
For example
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, if the sentence
time
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is too short,
then
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people
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will become careless about
crime
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. Penalties should be strong and frightening.
Secondly
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,
prison
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keeps
criminals
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away from the streets to keep cities safe, until we are sure they have become good citizens.
For instance
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, prisons offer courses to educate offenders on how to re-enter society. Once they learn and are ready, the
prison
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can release them.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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argue that there are better ways to punish
criminals
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and make them feel sorry for their actions, without keeping them in
prison
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for a long
time
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. The reasons for
this
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claim are many, but let me mention two. Primarily, spending more
time
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in
prison
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is not beneficial; it is a waste of life, and some guilty individuals, who have committed a first
crime
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, might have done so by mistake or in a vulnerable moment.
For example
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, a poor person who commits theft to meet basic needs deserves another chance. The potential results of giving
such
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people
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the opportunity to correct their mistakes will reflect positively on communities. The other reason is that isolating them with hardened offenders will affect them negatively.
Instead
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of helping them, we would let
criminals
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corrupt their minds. From my perspective,
although
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prison
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can be the ideal solution in some cases, there are several cases that do not require
such
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treatment. Solving
this
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issue with other alternatives is a better approach. So, I strongly support the latter view. In conclusion, it seems to me that applying the same approach to all
criminals
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is wrong. The public has concerns, and opinions are divided. Despite some
people
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thinking it is better to keep offenders away for a longer
time
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, they have valid reasons.
However
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, those who advocate for alternatives have a strong argument.

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task achievement
The main ideas are mostly clear, but some points could be explained more deeply. Make sure to provide deeper analysis and support for your views.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good structure, but some sentences could be better connected. Use linking words and phrases to improve flow.
task achievement
You have used examples well, but try to incorporate a few more specific examples throughout to support your arguments.
introduction
The introduction clearly states the topic and your intention to discuss both views
supporting ideas
You provided examples that relate to your points, which make your argument stronger.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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