IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

There is more and more violence in movies and on TV, therefore it is necessary for the government to control the amount of it to decrease the violent crimes in the society. Do you agree or disagree?

Movies
Use synonyms
 have different genres, what
mainly
Add a missing verb
is mainly
show examples
 pointed out on the topic is about
violence
Use synonyms
 or crime scenes that
are involve
Change the verb form
are involved
show examples
 in
movies
Use synonyms
 or on TV.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to stream with their phones and televisions to watch the
movies
Use synonyms
 they are dying to stream,
such
Linking Words
us
Correct your spelling
as
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 thriller or action
movies
Use synonyms
, especially older
people
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will
Correct pronoun usage
who will
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 always enjoy watching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fighting scenes.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with the statement since every
Use synonyms
movies
Change to a singular noun
movie
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 trigger warnings to inform the watcher not to conjoin
movies
Use synonyms
 from reality, it won'
t
Use synonyms
 give a person an idea to use
violence
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 but
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mostly
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 awareness to what kind of evilness
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
 can give.
Because in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 there are protagonists
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are known as the heroes and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
antogonists
Correct your spelling
antagonists
antagonist
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 a relatively called
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
villains.
People
Use synonyms
 are aware of the idea that those two are different which can
be oppositely identify
Change the verb form
be oppositely identified
show examples
 as good and evil, and
people
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 tend to always be in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of the one that doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 use
violence
Use synonyms
 in a wicked way. In conclusion,
movies
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 are fictional and not related to reality
therefore
Linking Words
 they can'
t
Use synonyms
 influence a person because a person can only use
violence
Use synonyms
 if they can'
t
Use synonyms
 control themselves, especially their minds.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it could state your main idea more strongly. Try to clearly mention your stance on the topic at the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay jumps between ideas. Use paragraphs to separate points and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Add specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific movies that illustrate your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is too brief. Try to summarize your main points and restate your opinion in a stronger way.
task achievement
You give a clear opinion against the need for government control of violence in movies.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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