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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of the elderly
population
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 in three countries, Japan,
Sweden
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 and the
USA
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, all three countries experienced an upward trend
of
Change preposition
in
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elderly
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the elderly
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population
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, except for the first two decades in Japan.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both the
USA
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 and
Sweden
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 saw a moderate growth rate for old people throughout the whole period,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of Japan’s aged
population
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 is expected to rise sharply in projections by 2040.  Between 1940 and 2020, the
USA
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 and
Sweden
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 both witnessed a
fluctuated
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fluctuating
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 increase in the aged
population
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 ratio, with the proportion of
Sweden
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’s elderly
population
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exceeded
Wrong verb form
exceeding
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 that of the
USA
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 by roughly 14% in 2000. At the same time,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of elderly people in Japan dipped slightly from 5% to 3% and remained stable for
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 20 years before rising slowly to 8% in 2020. In the following years, the percentage of
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population
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the population
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 aged 65 and over in
Sweden
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 and the
USA
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 will reach their peak at 25% and 23% respectively. Meanwhile, Japan’s old people
population
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 rate might surge to 27% in 2040 by surpassing the other two countries.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, sweden, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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