IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The line chart illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the ratio of the public aged 65 and over from 1940 and 2040 in the
three
Use synonyms
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
countries.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
 the proportions of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over in these
three
Use synonyms
 countries
were keeping
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 increasing in these years. The
lagest
Correct your spelling
largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 in the beginning was the
USA
Use synonyms
, followed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
. And the rate of
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was the lowest
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these
three
Use synonyms
 countries. In 1940, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of the
USA
Use synonyms
 was about 9%, which was the largest ratio of the
three
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
countries
countriesand
Punctuation problem
countriesand,
show examples
 followed by that of
Japan
Use synonyms
 (about 7%). At the same time, the rate of the population aged 65 and over in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was the lowest (5%). The ratio of the population in the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 similar between 1940 and 1980. The
proportion
Use synonyms
 of the
USA
Use synonyms
 was decreasing from 1980 to 2020, which was exceeded by that of
Japan
Use synonyms
 in about 1990, and it will reach about 23%. The rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sweden
Use synonyms
 kept decreasing from 1940 to 1990
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it gradually increased slightly. In the future(2030 to 2040), the
proportion
Use synonyms
 will
jumped
Wrong verb form
jump
show examples
 to 26%, which exceeded that of the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words three, proportion, usa, japan, sweden with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: