IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries women and men are working full time. It is therefore, logical for women and men to share household works. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 try to support each
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 not only
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life
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responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 in household
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, since most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
.
Although
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 it is beneficial to assist in
house
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
works
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,
this
Linking Words
 does not mean it is a Shame to do it. On the one hand, there are a lot of advantages for supporting each
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
while
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 doing
house
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
works
Use synonyms
.
First,
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it decreases the load on one person because if family members divide the duties between each of
others
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
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 will help in
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
show examples
 overloading, Since most family members have other
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responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
 like studying and work duties.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 the
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
 of duties will be more professional.
Moreover
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, it assists
people
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 to learn new things,
hence
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 Sharing
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
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 to communicate with each
others
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 which result in getting more experience in
house
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
works
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.
For instance
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, males will learn about cooking
whixh
Correct your spelling
which
 might assist them in future.
On the other hand
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, Sharing household
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 might have disadvantages because some responsibilities should be done by
male
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males
show examples
 rather than
female
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females
show examples
such
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 as car washing. It is
males
Change noun form
males'
male's
show examples
responsibility
Use synonyms
 more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they have a clear idea about the way they can wash it,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 organization
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Add a missing verb
is responsibility
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responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 because they have the ability to organize and decorate the work in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
effeciant
Correct your spelling
efficient
 way.
In addition
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, it reduces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
privacy because it will penetrate the personal space,
thus
Linking Words
 it might create problems between family members. In my opinion, I totally agree that household
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works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 sharing is necessary to be applied in all
community
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communities
show examples
 because it
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
 the load and assists in learning from each
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 and gaining experiences. In conclusion, sharing
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 is a great idea because it helps
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
strengthen family and social
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 between
people
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 which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in a cooperative community. I encourage
people
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 to help each
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 and learn from each
Use synonyms
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it supports your overall argument. Each idea should be connected to your main point about sharing household work.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and simple sentences to help your reader understand your ideas more easily. Avoid long sentences with multiple clauses.
task achievement
Try to give specific examples that clearly show your points. Instead of saying 'some responsibilities should be done by males', explain why or give an example of that.
task achievement
Make sure to directly answer the question in your introduction and conclusion. It helps strengthen your argument and shows you understand the topic.
task achievement
You have identified some advantages and disadvantages of sharing household work, which is important for a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good structure with clear sections for introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work
  • share
  • household
  • tasks
  • partners
  • income
  • chore
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • relationship
  • balance
  • stress
  • teamwork
  • example
  • children
  • fairness
  • cooperation
  • traditional
  • society
  • common
  • accepted
What to do next:
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