IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that safe investments are better for their long-term future while others feel there is more value in risky investments. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern life, many
people
Use synonyms
 pay
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
investment
Use synonyms
 field. Some debate that low-risk
Use synonyms
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
 are much better for
long-term
Correct article usage
a long-term
show examples
 lifestyle
whereas
Linking Words
 others prefer
high-risk
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
 to get more and more profit. In my opinion, the best way to earn
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is
risky
Change preposition
through risky
show examples
 businesses. On the one hand. There are two main
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of safe
Use synonyms
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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one is investing in
estate
Add an article
the estate
show examples
 market and
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 is put on bank deposit.
Funding
Correct article usage
The funding
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 estate market
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 into
regularly
Change the word
regular
show examples
 but
low level
Add a hyphen
low-level
show examples
 income for own of
Add an article
the
a
show examples
household. Householderʼs
money
Use synonyms
 will be as safe as
Add an article
the
a
show examples
house from
dissipation
Correct article usage
the dissipation
show examples
 of cash since there are lack of danger from
earthquake
Fix the agreement mistake
earthquakes
show examples
 and natural disasters
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it leads to long-term profit.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 if investors want to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 steady their capital, they need to put on
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
show examples
 deposit. Investors can calculate with
certain
Change the article
a certain
the certain
show examples
 number of their
annually
Change the word
annual
show examples
 and monthly income and their
investment
Use synonyms
keep
Verb problem
is
show examples
safely
Change the word
safe
show examples
. As it is guaranteed by banks, the only way that they can not return
money
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
when
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
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 face to crisis but
such
Linking Words
 situations become rare.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite funding
high-risk
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
be made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
overwhelming
money
Use synonyms
, there are danger of losing
money
Use synonyms
 in a second.
For example
Linking Words
, investing
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 IT projects and
beting
Correct your spelling
betting
 different online gambling which have
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 cause wealth
as well as
Linking Words
 poor. Former are so useful for both investors and users if that
projects
Fix the agreement mistake
project
show examples
succed
Correct your spelling
succeeds
, but the downside risk here is massive as well. The
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 actually a losing game.
People
Use synonyms
 chase profits but even if they win sometimes, their losses will always be far greater. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
high-risk
Correct article usage
a high-risk
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investment
Use synonyms
 can bring
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 but you must
also
Linking Words
 be ready to lose.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
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, many
people
Use synonyms
convinced
Add a missing verb
are convinced
show examples
 that low-risk
Use synonyms
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
show examples
 become more
successfully
Change the word
successful
show examples
 for their prolonged lifespan
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 stay
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
point
Add an article
the point
show examples
 of
high-risk
Use synonyms
investment
Use synonyms
ʼs
view
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 safe investments are ideal for the long term, I consider that risky investments can generate significantly higher returns

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coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should focus on one main point and provide supporting details. Make sure to have clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Check your grammar and sentence structure. There are several errors that make it harder to understand your ideas. Simple and clear sentences work best.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will help show that you understand both sides of the argument and strengthen your opinion.
content
You show a good understanding of both sides of the investment debate.
opinion
You express a clear opinion about risky investments being beneficial.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • returns
  • financial security
  • risk tolerance
  • portfolio diversification
  • economic downturn
  • wealth accumulation
  • modest returns
  • principal amount
  • calculated risks
  • market volatility
  • robust economy
  • financial strategy
  • security and stability
  • high-risk investments
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