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Writing Samples /
Band 5

You are due to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter ▪️Explain your situation ▪️Describe your problems ▪️Tell him/her when you think you can start.

#job #week #employer #▪️explain #situation #▪️describe #▪️tell
Dear sir, I am writing
this
 letter with regard to inform you about to extend my starting date in your organisation. Let me explain my situation, It is
honour
Add an article
an honour
show examples
 for me to secure a job position in your company and I am eagerly waiting to join you.
However
, my brother got injured yesterday,
therefore
 he
admitted
Add a missing verb
was admitted
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in
Change preposition
to
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 the hospital for
right hand
Add a hyphen
right-hand
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 surgery.
Thus
,I need to extend my joining date.
Moreover
,I have some concerns before
join
Change the verb form
joining
show examples
 your company.
Firstly
, I need more training on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
document filling and
also
wants
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to spend more time with the previous employer to learn more
into
Change preposition
about
show examples
 details.
Apart from
this
, I would like to exchange my dress size because I got
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 size.
Lastly
, I am requesting you to
undestand
Correct your spelling
understand
 my situation and grant
my
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
extension
Correct article usage
an extension
show examples
 of
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
show examples
 date
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I will be available from
15 th
Correct your spelling
15th
june
Change the capitalization
June
show examples
 2024 . I would like to hear your response as soon as possible. yours sincerely, Parthkumar
Submitted by pp6859 on

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task achievement
You should explain your situation in a bit more detail to create a stronger task response.
coherence cohesion
There is some repetition of phrases like 'therefore' and 'however.' Try to use a wider range of connecting phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You did a good job at following the letter structure with a clear greeting and closing.
task achievement
You have included all the necessary elements: explaining your situation, describing your problems, and specifying when you can start.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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