IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that in certain cities public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
 are
transforeming
Correct your spelling
transformed
 into
gardens
Use synonyms
 where local individuals can grow their own
fruit
Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
show examples
 and vegetables. Does it
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more benefits or drawbacks
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and present a personal opinion. The privilege of changing public
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
spaces
Use synonyms
 to
gardens
Use synonyms
parks
Use synonyms
 and open
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 can be sometimes quite unpopular and underutilized in our time and be kinda useless for local
citizens
Use synonyms
 that
lives
Change the verb form
live
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 nearby but, if they change open
spaces
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 and
parks
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 into
gardens
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
,
citizens
Use synonyms
 would grow their own fruits and vegetables
moreover
Linking Words
, they might as well sell their own fresh fruits and vegetables to individuals in their city and earn money. Useless green
spaces
Use synonyms
 will serve the people and increase
quality
Correct pronoun usage
their quality
show examples
 of
live
Replace the word
life
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 by
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 food to them
however
Linking Words
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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 we have drawbacks
parks
Use synonyms
 and greenspaces it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an integral part of the city without them urban area doesn't look natural tourist and
citizens
Use synonyms
 might not like it
for example
Linking Words
, especially younger generation really love spending time in
parks
Use synonyms
 or green
spaces
Use synonyms
 with their friends or family members and modify
parks
Use synonyms
 into
gardens
Use synonyms
 can cause discomfort for them and other adult
citizens
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, to summarize
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion it has more drawbacks than advantages
parks
Use synonyms
 and green space
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 significant
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of cities and if they became
individuals
Change the noun form
individual
show examples
gardens
Use synonyms
 it
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 cause
chaos
Replace the word
chaotic
show examples
 consequences.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. Instead of asking whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, clearly state your opinion at the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer paragraphs. Each idea should be presented in its own paragraph with a clear topic sentence. This helps readers follow your argument better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. For example, you could mention how community gardens improve health or bring neighbors together.
content
You have good ideas about the pros and cons of turning parks into gardens. This shows you understand the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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